


The Truth Hurts But Lies Hurt More

by make_your_user_a_name



Category: Supernatural
Genre: (Almost), Angst, Castiel Makes a Deal with The Shadow (Supernatural), DEAN WOULDNT SACRIFICE JACK, Episode: s15e16 Drag Me Away (From You), Fix-It, Love Confessions, M/M, Truth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-23
Updated: 2020-10-23
Packaged: 2021-03-09 06:23:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27159269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/make_your_user_a_name/pseuds/make_your_user_a_name
Summary: The phone wasn’t ideal. Hell, the fact this was about 8 years too late wasn’t ideal. But he had to. He was a grown ass adult, he could talk about his feelings.Still, his mouth got a bit drier with every ring. This could ruin everything. Everything. And here he was about to confess when there wasn’t even something pushing him. When there was a world-ending crisis looming. This wasn’t the time.He had decided to hang up when there was a beep and he heard a voice on the other side of the phone.“Hello, Dean.”“Cas,” he breathed. Because with those two words, everything seemed a bit more okay. This other way, this plan, it would work. Jack would be okay.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 5
Kudos: 71





	The Truth Hurts But Lies Hurt More

**Author's Note:**

> this is ALL OVER THE PLACE
> 
> i'll probs do another fix it that isn't trash

“Hey,” Caitlin said, her tone suddenly shifting. “That thing,” she paused, turning to face him. “Were you scared?” 

Dean shook his head and smiled a little. At least this one he could answer honestly now. “Always am.” It wasn’t for him though. He was never scared for him. He was scared someone around him would get hurt. They would get hurt and it would be all his fault because he wasn’t good enough to protect them, to save them. 

A smile slowly filled her face and she nodded before saying, “You _have_ changed.” Dean stared back into her eyes, a question on his face. So she went on. “The old you never would have admitted that.” 

“Well, I’m not sure that’s a good thing,” he said, mainly because he didn’t know how to respond. Yeah, he’d changed. After the sixth or seventh apocalypse it was kind of expected. 

“I think so,” she said softly. “What do they say about getting older? You tell the truth more because you know that lies… they don’t make anything better.” 

Dean gulped at that and looked at the floor. She wasn’t right. Lies made a helluva lot better. He pulled her into a hug, his mind spinning. There were so many lies in his life. And there were some he could come clean about, some he had to come clean about… but there were some he’d been waiting years to come out with. So maybe he could start there. 

He didn’t know if when he got in the car, he could tell Sam the truth. Tell him that Jack had to die for this plan. And that was the worst part… even if he told Sam, he would just have to pile on more lies. Because this plan with Cas, the _only_ way for it to work was if no one knew. 

Lying to Billie, that had been easy. Maybe too easy. Because there was a small part of him, a part he hated more than anything, that hated Chuck just enough to make this seem okay. But that’s all it was. Just a small part for him to cling to when he lied to everyone around him except Cas. Because after everything, there was no way in hell that he was okay with Jack giving himself up. Or any of his family, for that matter. But especially Jack. 

Jack was his son now. That was final. He wasn’t letting his _kid_ sacrifice himself to save the world. And he knew it would be hard to convince Sam he was okay with it. To keep him in the dark. And yeah, he knew his brother would be pissed. But Cas had said it was for the best. And Cas didn’t like secrets… not after he’d lied to them for a whole year. So if Cas thought this was best then it was best. 

He and Cas had made the plan quickly. Too quickly to talk about anything else. Which Dean was grateful for, because he’d been just about ready that night. Just about ready to bite the goddamn bullet already. 

The phone wasn’t ideal. Hell, the fact this was about 8 years too late wasn’t ideal. But he had to. He was a grown ass adult, he could talk about his feelings. 

Still, his mouth got a bit drier with every ring. This could ruin everything. Everything. And here he was about to confess when there wasn’t even something pushing him. When there was a world-ending crisis looming. This wasn’t the time. 

He had decided to hang up when there was a beep and he heard a voice on the other side of the phone. 

“Hello, Dean.” 

“Cas,” he breathed. Because with those two words, everything seemed a bit more okay. This other way, this plan, it would work. Jack would be okay. 

“Is everything okay? You never answered my text.”

“I know,” Dean said quietly. 

“You have to tell him something. Or he’ll figure it out. You have to tell him, Dean.” 

“I will, Cas,” he said forcefully, his heart pounding in his throat. He could do this. He’d just killed an ancient witch for fuck’s sake. He could do this. 

There was silence on the other end. He could hear Cas’ breaths, could almost see his brow furrowing in concern. When Cas spoke again, his tone had softened and his voice was lower. “Why did you call me?” 

His mind froze. He couldn’t do this. “One sec, I have to walk outside.” As the words left his mouth he rolled his eyes. He was really terrible at stalling when it counted. 

“Okay?” Cas said. 

Dean pushed through the glass doors of the lobby, his hands sweaty and shaky. When he got outside, he waved to Sam and gestured to the phone. Then he walked around behind the building and leaned heavily against the cool brick. 

This was stupid. There was no way he could do _this_ now. This wasn’t something that could just happen. He needed a big moment. He needed a push. 

_Lies… they don’t make anything better._

But this wasn’t a lie. Sam, Cas, Jack, no one had ever asked him, not outright anyway, about how he felt about Cas. None of them had ever asked him if he was just into chicks. So it wasn’t lying. But it still wasn’t making anything better. And if there was a chance that Cas-

No. He couldn’t let himself think that far ahead. That was hope. And hope leads to devastation every goddamn time. 

“Are you still there?” Cas asked, the sound of a car door shutting ringing through the tiny speaker on his phone. 

“Yeah, I- Do you need to go? You can go…” It would be so much easier if Cas just hung up. Because if he stayed on… Dean was going to do it. 

“Why did you call me?” Cas sounded slightly more impatient now, but Dean sensed the underlying message. Cas knew him better than anyone. He knew he was deflecting. Knew he had a real reason for calling. And it didn’t matter what the angel was doing, for whatever reason he would stop and he would listen to Dean. 

“I-” Dean took a deep breath and pushed himself against the brick wall. It was cold outside, but not unbearably. Still, a coldness was seeping through his limbs even as he started sweating more than before. “I want to tell you what I was going to tell you in Purgatory.” 

“I heard your prayer,” Cas said quickly. 

“No, I know that. But it wasn’t just that.” He might have imagined it, but he thought he heard Cas’ breathing pick up on the other end of the line. Maybe he’d already guessed what was coming next. It didn’t matter though. “I needed to tell you that I’m-”

The line went dead with a long beep. The kind that rings through a hospital room as a soul leaves the Earth. 

“Cas?” he whispered. There was nothing on the other end, just silence. 

His phone buzzed and he pulled it away from his ear. There was a new text from Cas. 

_There’s something you don’t know. We need to talk. In person._

“I’m in love with you,” Dean finished to himself. Then he slipped his phone back into his pocket. 

Cas was lying to him again. And he’d known. He’d known what Dean was going to say and he didn’t want to hear it. Dean bit his lip and let his head fall against the brick wall. 

Then he walked back to the car, trying to gather himself. Because he had to tell another lie. And he wasn’t ready for Sam to be pissed. Wasn’t ready for his brother to think that he wanted to sacrifice his son, when that wasn’t true. Couldn’t be true. And now Cas didn’t know either. 

Even as he set out to come clean, his web of lies was just growing in strength, wrapping around him until he suffocated. Lies were for other people. They made it better for them. They had to. 

But for him? Lies were stopping him from being with the love of his life. They were stopping him from being honest with his brother. They were setting him on the path to ruin relationships with every member of his family. 

Lies didn’t make anything better. 

**Author's Note:**

> i apologize for the bad writing :)


End file.
